We are often unaware of how powerfully we have been creating with our thoughts. We are dreaming and talking and expanding and it is all feeling good. At some point, this new energetic thought world will begin to manifest. If we are holding on tight to some version of our current reality and have outgrown it, sometimes things will appear to fall apart in the physical.
During my travels of the last several months, I found myself in so many joyful expansions. Upon returning to my remote mountain home, nothing seemed to fit anymore. So instead of staying in a reality I had clearly outgrown, I left. I left to take time to integrate all of the experiences of the last several months. Finding myself in a city once more, I found great comfort in the sound of the train, grocery shopping in big stores and listening to helicopters and planes fly overhead. Everything from the past several years of my life seemed to float around me like nuclear fallout. I was simply at a loss as to where to go and what to do next. In these kinds of times of major transition, I meditate, write and spend alot of time in nature. I try to just be with the change.
I was talking to a friend about all the changes in my life and how I seemed to unclear about which path to follow, where to go and what to focus my energies on next. She told me how much she believed in affirmative prayer and sent me her prayer.
"Even though I don't know where I'm going this instant I know and have faith in my path and finding my flow. I know I am on my way to reaching extreme happiness."
To add to the intensity of this week, I was attempting to assist others who were going through their own crises. I was listening to someone in a complete breakdown tell me, "this bad thing could happen and that bad thing could happen. . . " I said quite honestly, "you are in so much fear that I am not sure I can help." We finally broke through her fear when she realized that her fears were about another person ruining their lives doing drugs but in fact her own drug use had brought her to a much deeper state of spiritual openness previously in her own life. She suddenly shifted and began to laugh. She said, "I cannot really control him and there is really nothing wrong with what he is doing. I guess I have only one choice and that is to be centered within myself." I laughed back and said, "well there is really only one choice ever and that is the choice about whether or not we are going to be centered within ourselves or not - no matter what someone else is doing."
My week got more intense. My son called me 10 days into his 47 day Europe tour and said he was having a hard time centering himself realizing that he had to center himself in travel. That was hilarious. I said, "well traveling seems to be the ONLY place I can center myself - use some EFT."
I questioned my guides about the anxiety of all this transition. They showed me the matrix one morning. We create these big energetic thought matrixes about our expanded future and then our ego matrix tries to hold us into the existing form of our current life.
For me, it is a set of obligations. The thoughts go like something like this: "I can't travel all the time because I still have one kid who has a year left in high school. I don't know if I can travel with 2 little dogs. Everyone needs a home and my home cannot be the road. I have obligations and responsibilities. You and Pete knew that you would be traveling around the country in about a year, can't you just put this off for a year? Why can't you be happy planting carrots and living in the woods?"
So just when I thought I was finding my center in this huge swirling energy field of change, I was walking down a steep river bank and my knee popped. It felt a little strange but no big deal. Within 6 hours it was completely swollen and frozen. I have lost count of how many knee injuries I have had. They are all about the ego feeling cut off at the knees as it loses its structure in the midst of change. So today I limped into a health food store to get some Kava Kava. My guides told me to pick up some Kava Kava. I googled it and it is a quick relief for anxiety. Within 15 minutes of taking it, I was walking much better.
So we have these 2 energetic structures - our ego matrix and the larger matrix of what we are attempting to grow into. All illness, depression, anxiety and knee injuries are about our resistance and fear. We can choose faith and trust at any moment. When our immediate world falls apart, it is just the larger part of us knowing that something much, much better is coming into creation for us and that is the cusp of change.
The language of limitation is this "OR" that. The language of energy (the language of spirit) is this "AND" that. I can have a home for my daughter AND I can travel. I can travel AND I can have a home. I can be alone AND I can have a husband. I can not know where I want to go AND I can know where I do want to go at the same time. I can be worried about someone AND trust that they are on their path. I can feel an obligation to take care of someone AND know that they are being taken care of. A tree is dead AND alive at the same time. I can feel anxiety AND trust at the same time. I can have another knee injury AND know that it is all just fine. I can feel lost AND know that I am found. We are One with the all of the Infinite and it is all inclusive - there is no "OR" it is all "AND" - it is all inclusive. Blessings
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